I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
