need another drink. this is the easiest way
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
