My nipple is on Facebook.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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