can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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