his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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