Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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