brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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