I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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