Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
