Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
