Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
