what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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