they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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