went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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