well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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