I think im going to throw up on grandma
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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