The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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