May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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