East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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