So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
