He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I've blown a few things in my day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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