He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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