On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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