I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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