Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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