I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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