Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
