Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
