I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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