i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
