Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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