Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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