We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just high enough for therapy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need a sexual gate keeper
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
