If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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