Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
