she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize