You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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