Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just had sex on a roof
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
