you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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