just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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