The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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