dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
