Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
