I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
