This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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