yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
