So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
