She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
