He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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