my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
