Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
