I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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