we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
