Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
