I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
