Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize