Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
