very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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