Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
