I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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