dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
