Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
