and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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