I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
