Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
