I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
