theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
