i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
