Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
