I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
